To Open the Blog up

Blogging is something that I like to do from time to time, some times to bitch and moan, other times to tell of something awesome I saw, and then there are even more times were I just need to ramble.

I’ve always had a passion to write, but I never seem to remember to keep up with those projects for very long. That’s kind of the story of my life I start something but I have a hell of a time finishing it. A bunch of great examples would be my choice in video games, I do love to purchase the latest and greatest video game, but when it comes down to it how much do I actually put into it? Well that’s a tricky question it really depends on what kind of a game we are talking about, if we are talking a sports game then I’ll probably play at least 4+ seasons if it catches my fancy, if not then I might struggle through a season and then let the box collect dust. If it is an Action/Adventure or RPG then it gets a lot more complicated. The thing is that I really have to be drawn into the game, I need to want to finish the game. There are so many games out there that I rushed out to buy and then I ended up playing them for about 8 hours and then never touched them again. This could have occurred because the story didn’t capture me, the graphics weren’t enough to immerse me into the game, or the difficulty to me seemed so extreme that I just lost interest.

I see some many things in the world today that I keep hearing myself say, “I wish I was doing that”. Things like living the dream of Penny Arcade, becoming the next Will Wright ( Anything that has Sim-something on it ), or reading about some new technology that someone came up with that brings gaming, life, graphics, tv, movies, etc to life.

I have to say that I’m partially living a dream. I work for a game company, and I do get to go under the hood and actually help create games, but at the same time I’m feeling more and more that it’s not really the best of fits. I’m not saying that I want to stop making games, but I think that I would be better off in a different role than I am in now. Programming is a tough thing to do and I understand that not everyone can do it, but I don’t think that I can do it to the level that would make my name stand out among the rest. I do think that I have a good eye, or a different perspective than most on games and that I can help out in a more design or testing way.

Speaking of things left undone… I have a pencil and paper RPG called Crystals of Pryann, its about 12 years old now, I think. It’s gone through 14 iterations and it still has room to improve, but its now like so many things of mine collecting dust.

I feel as if I really wanted to make the most of what I have that I’m going to have to schedule every little minute detail to accomplish it. I’m not saying that scheduling or structure is bad but at the same time there needs to be some freedom. I say this though knowing that I have an unwritten routine that I keep getting myself in, sure I break out of it 2 to 3 times a week for a little bit but I always seem to fall right back in.

There is also so much more I want to do, see, buy, etc. but there comes a time in everyone’s lives where they find out how hard it is to balance finances on top of being able to do things that they want to do. Then again I think that even if I had some money I’d probably still find my way back into the old routine. It’s like a safety blanket and I know sub-consciously that I can’t go wrong with that formula.

So for now I’m just going to think about what I’ve written, which will be a new one for me seeing as I like to write at the speed of light, but I really don’t like going back over what I’ve written because I know that I will just end of changing half of what I said.

I know that somewhere out there there is a balance of things that will bring me the relief and happiness that I feel that I need but for now I’m just stuck with my routine. I’m not saying that life is bad because there are quite a few shiny points such as a place of my own, a good car, the ability to play video games, watch TV, etc, and of course a person who has continued to stand by me especially through all the strange family issues that keep cropping up.

What I want this blog to be I don’t know but I’m going to try to be open minded, free spirited, and just have fun with this one. I’ve always had to watch what I said because I’m always afraid that someone will read my blog and take stuff the wrong way, but you know what if they take it the wrong way then maybe they’ll just call me up and I can take that opportunity to catch up with them because to be honest I’ve been kind of slack as of late in the friends department for more reasons than I care to list, but I’m always happy to hear from someone, or get a chance to catch up with someone in person.